Psalm 145:4 One generation commends your works to another; they tell of your mighty acts. (NIV)
In 2008 my wife Susie and I were blessed, by the church I was serving, to attend an Arts Conference where we heard worship leader Ross Parsley speak. Ross spoke about worship in a multi-generational church. One of the metaphors that Ross presented is one that has stuck with me and that has value for us to consider as a picture of the multi-generational church family. The metaphor that Ross used was “family happens at the dinner table”. Let's hang on to Ross's thought as we pursue what this metaphor can help us to understand in becoming a multi-generational family of God.
Imagine the atmosphere and the cadence of dinner when it is just you and your spouse on a date, sitting comfortably at a table for two. It's quiet, calm, the lighting is low, a good waiter serves the meal but is careful to not trespass in the moment shared between a husband and wife at a table for two. The meal that is received is presented in single portions on individual plates. The food is displayed in colorful, creative, and unique ways, adding additional elements of celebration to this moment with you and your spouse, at a table for two. As an assistant pastor, seminary student, husband, and father of two little girls, six and eight years old, “A table for two, please” sounds like the most wonderful phrase I can imagine coming out of my mouth right now. We unquestionably need table for two time, but a table for two is not the table where family happens. As a church, we cannot neglect the multi-generational table and still expect to grow and thrive as a church family.
In contrast, consider an all-family, multi-generational dinner. Forget the quiet table for a couple to share, this is a table for a couple dozen to share. The meal that is received at the family table is served in deep bowls and on large platters that can be passed and shared with everyone. The multi-generational family table is not the tranquil and composed table for two, the family table is filled with energy and excitement. This atmosphere, at the multi-generational family table, is at times lively and boisterous. The cadence and moments at the multi-generational family table are enthusiastic and unpredictable. “Family happens at the dinner table”.
For the church it is easy to feel the appealing and subtle draw of reaching out to only one generation. After all, it is straightforward and undemanding to have dinner with people who are just like us. The conversation flows in an informal and relaxed exchange, the jokes are funny and do not need to be explained. Dinner with people just like us, people of the same generation, people with shared life experience, brings a comforting “we just get each other” flavor to the gathering. There are moments when this type of gathering is completely appropriate, but as a church we must not mistake this one generation table for two as being the church family.
Dr. Bob Whitesel, professor at Wesley Seminary, and Dr. Kent Hunter present in their book “A House Divided: Bridging the Generation Gaps in Your Church” that their “observation is that the leading reason churches are declining is because most are staffed, programmed, and envisioned to reach one generation.” When a church is content reaching only one generation, the church is, in effect, offering only a table for two. This can seem like an effective model but the one generation church will risk what Whitesel and Hunter term as “geriatrophy”. Geriatrophy is a congregational illness that is the result of a church remaining a one generational church, a table for two church, instead of a table for the whole family. Whitesel and Hunter clearly state that “geriatrophy can be successfully treated if the community has retained a portion of its younger generations.” We need every generation at the table for family to happen. This may mean that the church needs to reconsider its current model of ministry. We, as a church, have to consider if we love our table for two more than we love the unchurched that, as of yet, do not have a place at the family table.
The multi-generational family table requires an extreme amount of preparation and investment before, during and after the meal, but this work is part of being a family. This multi-generational dinner metaphor helps us consider how the hard work and care we invest in these moments has a tremendous impact on the experience and the familial growth of each generation in our church family.
Family celebrations are an obvious example of multi-generational events. At multi-generational gatherings, thoughtfulness and care are invested into each offering of food, surroundings, special moments, and prayer. Some dishes are prepared not because everyone at the table enjoys them but because specific generations in the family enjoy them. Each offering of food is prepared specifically to bless and nourish individuals of each generation gathered at the table. The youngest generation may need help in understanding and risking participation in consuming the wide variety of distinct flavors, colors, textures and aromas. The oldest generation may need help just getting to the table and receiving what is offered during the meal.
Continuing with the metaphor, “Family happens at the table”, we can observe generational behaviors and reactions. Parents caring for and assisting grandparents models for the multi-generational church how we are to love one another. Children seeing how the entire family walks through times of transition and times of celebration, giving God praise throughout, helps them see God as the unshakable foundation of the family. Grandparents intentionally seeking out the time and attention of their grandchildren, helps to foster a mutual love and respect across generations. A multi-generational gathering is not about everyone getting their way, but rather it is about thoughtfully and compassionately preparing an atmosphere where each generation is loved, blessed and nourished.
As we follow this metaphor it, of course, is not perfect. If God is not the initiator of our response, if He is not the source of all that we are in awe of and grateful for, then we risk being motivated not by awe and gratitude but rather by the motivation of performance and of pleasing man alone.
In considering how this can work, let's take a look at the Thanksgiving table, for example. Often there is an opportunity, after each dish has been lovingly prepared, for the family to share with one another a testimony of gratitude before the prayer is offered. This moment at the table can be a wonderful example of generations learning from each other, similar to Paul's urging in Titus 2. As grandma speaks and testifies to what she is grateful for, her children and her grandchildren can learn from her example and grow in their respect of her wisdom, experience and resources. This time at the multi-generational gathering is Psalm 145:4 lived out as “one generation commends [God's] works to another; they tell of your mighty acts.” This is a time when families and generations can sing, laugh and remember together, they can taste the tears of laughter in joyful nostalgia, and gently recall the bitter taste of heartache and family loss. Every family has gone through the moment of coming together for a multi-generational gathering with heavy hearts as the physical gathering of the generations around the table clearly reminds the family of who no longer sits at the table as they once did. When God is the head of the family, these moments point to the hope that the family knows will not disappoint.
As the children and grandchildren share in their testimony of thanksgiving, the older generations can participate in cheering the younger on, in encouraging them to fully consider all that the Lord has done. This encouragement and and sincere concern by the older generation is critical in helping younger generations learn what it looks like to live life letting “the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.” Colossians 3:16 (NIV). This requires respect among each generation and a greater desire to see others receive rather than making certain that you get what you want on your plate. The church must recapture the concept of a family, a family that offers gratitude and praise to “Our Father”. During these times at the table, at the multi-generational gatherings we begin to pick up our core values as a family, along with our unique family goals, expectations and burdens. The most significant core value that is assimilated at these multi-generational gatherings is that God is the undisputed head of this family.
Terry York, in the Journal Of Family Ministry writes, “Moving your congregation to cross-generational worship will take work, even if you now enjoy full-family attendance. But the work will be worth it if the result is a congregation that lives, celebrates, and mines life's journey and passages. Such a congregation will be able to address the needs presented by the whole of society, not just a selected generation.” Stepping forward into a multi-generational service is not a time to plan on our favorite table for two, this is a time of unity, of mutual respect, of creativity and of shared risk. It will, at times, be noisy, and it will most likely have moments that are messy. There will be times when generations have to be patient while other generations share. We will need to cooperate and not be selfish as we pass around the elements of the meal, all while becoming a family together at the table.
Eric H. Wing is a graduate student at Wesley Seminary at IWU and serves as an assistant pastor at the Midland Free Methodist Church in Midland, Michigan.
References
Whitesel, B. (2004). Growth by accident, death by planning : how not to kill a growing
congregation. Nashville, TN Abingdon Press.
Whitesel, Bob & Hunter, Kent R. (2000). A House Divided:Bridging The Generation Gaps In Your Church. Nashville, TN Abingdon Press
York, T. (2002). Cross-generational worship. Journal of Family Ministry, 16(4), 33-46. Retrieved from ATLA Religion Database with ATLASerials database.
